Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
