also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
