Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
