Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
