ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
