did you get engaged???
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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