dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
