I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
