I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
