Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
