i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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