i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
