hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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