Porn is love you can see.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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