So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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