it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
