I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize