if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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