Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
