Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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