I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
