the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
