worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
