dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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