Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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