I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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