Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize