well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
