doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
