i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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