wakey wakey hands off snakey
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
