This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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