lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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