You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
