Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize