i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
