We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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