He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Nobody cheats on THIS.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I see more hoeing in ur future
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