Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
