What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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