Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
