Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize