She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
