Can Purell be used as lube?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
