At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
These tits shall not be calmed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
