like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize