she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
