it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
