I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
