Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
