I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
well you can't waste a boner
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
