her vagine was all disorganized.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't think brook has ever known best
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
