I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
