He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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