just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
