yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
