so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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