Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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