can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize