so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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