If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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