I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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