Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
