I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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