What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
