I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
