I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
