I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
