Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
