Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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