I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
