What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
