Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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