her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
