Hey man sorry I got all grabby
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
