Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
