I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
