i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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