Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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