i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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