How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
