hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
