my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
