you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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