U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
