Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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