Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
