He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
