I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it because I queefed?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
