He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
