You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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