your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
