I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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