Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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