sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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