Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
