with your own penis?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
