I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
