i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
