She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
