She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
