Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
