no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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